Reflection on Reflection

As I was reading my classmates’ blogs, I noticed that Tom wrote about our meditation session from a few classes ago, and I realized that I also had not had a chance to comment on that experience.
I was one of those annoying people who could not sit still; I just kept moving around and watching everyone else, not really trying to calm down and just wishing my desk were about six inches bigger so I could really lie down and fall asleep. For some reason I felt frustrated with the fact that I was being asked to just sit still for twenty minutes. I immediately thought of the reading I had to catch up on for a class, and the reading and paper and project coming up for another. I tried reading some homework, and then felt blatantly obnoxious when I had to turn a page. I found the silence stifling and oppressive, and I felt suddenly forced into the present and my surroundings, as if the moment I was asked not to pay attention and not to focus, paying attention and focusing became inescapable and was the only thing I could think about. This feeling lasted about ten minutes.
The second half I was able to zone out and almost convince myself that I was meditating- or at least not bothering anyone else. I knew I could “meditate”, or pray, but I was nowhere near the correct mindset. I prayed for a while, sure, but I did not feel as though I was mentally into it. So I proceeded to daydream and stare blankly at objects around the room.
Needless to say, I failed miserably in this experience of meditation. However, if I find myself mentally prepared and in the right mindset, I think I’ll be able to succeed in this task someday.